lockdown date nights

June 3, 2021

It’s lockdown again in Malaysia because cases have been so high. But to be honest, the entire family and I have been self-quarantining for weeks prior already. I’m so paranoid because my parents are high-risk so I don’t let anyone see them or us, and none of us leave the house also.

Fadza’s been so mopey because he’s so used to working out outside, cycling, running etc. I direct him to the dUCk yoga mats now. He sulks but he knows it’s for the best. Wife knows best.

I gotta admit though, it’s been mentally draining just staying home. We live in an apartment with 7 people in it and there is just stuff EVERYWHERE. All these 7 people have so many things, and it doesn’t help that one of them (may or may not be me) has sooooo many clothes, shoes, bags, books, and all of the tiny stuff that is related to all of the above. I tried decluttering today which relieved me a bit. I can see more floor space now yay.

Every night after the kids sleep, Fadza and I will spend time together and this usually means F.R.I.E.N.D.S. marathon in the living room. Coupled with Homescapes marathon in one hand, and lots of snacks in the other hand, our backs slouched lazily on the couch. We are going to come out of Lockdown

a) fat, and

b) with incredibly bad posture.

It’s really bad, guys, and super unhealthy. And it really doesn’t help us not feeling very inspired for anything.

So I suggested that we need to mix things up a little, spice things up (not what you’re thinking). Some nights we can do this lazing on couch, but some nights we should sit on the balcony and talk, some nights we should eat together just the 2 of us, some nights we can read quietly together, some nights we can refold all my scarves and colour-coordinate them…. ok, can’t blame a wife for trying.

Tonight, we decided to talk a walk downstairs. Full on masked up, and not touching anything or anyone (there was barely anyone anyway), we just did 10 rounds around the apartment area and just held hands and talked. Then we sat on the stairs and just talked some more. It was really really nice. Got some fresh air (on our arms…) and got to spend quality time, away from everyone else.

So for husband-wives out there, take some time to mix it up a little during this time. It’s hard enough being mentally drained and feeling suffocated in the house (worse if you have kids), so make sure you still treat each other with love and lean on each other for support.

We’re back in our living room now.

Homescapes in one hand, and a potato chip on the other.

I guess some things will take time. Teehee.


get mommy this and that

May 31, 2021

Me: Mariam, could you get Mommy some water please?

Forth time I’m asking her to get me something today teehee. Water, charger, phone charging in the room… it’s the right of a mom, really. After all that giving birth drama and sleepless nights….

Mariam (getting up and grumbling): Why do I always have to get stuff for you?

Me (calling out to her back): Maybe because I’m your mom and I carried you for nine months and I never complained.

Fadza (looks at me, raises eyebrows): Never complained?

Me (whispering): Shhhh, she doesn’t have to know.

Why must husbands remember EVERYTHING?


Year 1 books

August 8, 2020

A parcel arrived this week and thinking it was my Pangaia sweats (I’m been buying so many of those, but I need to stop because 1) my bank account is shouting at me and 2) they are not flattering at all for petite girls like me).

I ripped the parcel open and it wasn’t that. I looked at the contents and sat down, quiet.

It was a bunch of Mariam’s Year 1 books that I ordered online from the school bookshop last week. I was in between meetings when I ordered them on my laptop and didn’t think much of it because I was rushing. But now, holding them physically… so many emotions going through my body. My baby is going to Year 1??? Is this really happening? First Daniel, now Mariam?! *looks up* Soon Sarah too, right?!! Stop fastforwarding the time and think we don’t notice!

Just the other day I looked at Mariam’s old videos, her in a cute little kaftan and pigtails saying “No fo-toe, Mommy, no fo-toe.” She hated the camera. But I snuck and filmed anyway, and you’re welcome Mariam because otherwise you’d have no childhood memories. -___-” She drove me nuts as a toddler (she still does, actually…) but it’s always the difficult ones that really steal your heart you know? It’s unfair. She made me cry many times with her stubbornness and Fadza often had to step in and “counsel” the both of us because Mariam refuses to apologise. Saying sorry was one of her least favourite activity.

Mariam’s Hate List

  1. Dr Musa (the wonderful doctor who gives her vaccine jabs, poor guy).
  2. Saying sorry to Mommy.

That’s it, 2 things.

Now she’s turned 5 in February. She’s 5, going on 15. And turning into a lovely little lady. She comes to me while I’m reading, and just lies on my stomach. She is the first to run to me “Mommy, you’re homeeee!” and give me a hug at the door (To be fair, Sarah runs too but she has shorter legs..). She wrote me a card recently “Mommy, I love you. You are the best mommy in the family” which I hung up on the fridge door.

I mean, you gotta hang up art, guys.

I asked her why “in the family” only?! And she told me later she wanted to write “world” but didn’t know how to spell it. Naaawwwwwwwwww, staphhhhhh. *blush*

She likes girly things now and keeps saying she has a boyfriend named Jayden (It’s not gonna last. He’s vegetarian.). She likes pink stationery and crafts like making necklaces from beads. Thank you for answering my prayers, God. She likes necklaces now. *wipes one tear* And lately she’s been obsessed with this YouTube channel of this boy teenager that has music videos. I caught her commenting on his video saying “I. LOVE. THIS.” Bahahahahaahaha. I wanted to laugh. Not just because it’s so cute, but because she uses Fadza’s account.

I made her delete it to save Fadza’s life. Hahahah.

But sorry baby, who knows what other “I. LOVE. THIS.” comments “you” have peppered all over the teenage YouTube world. Can’t save you there.

Anyway, back to the Year 1 books. As I clutched them, Mariam came in. In my eyes, she looked like a 16 year old! Stop it, Mariam. Stop growing up so fast.

“Ooooohhh Mommy, are those my Year 1 books?”

No. I should say No. I should tell her the school bookshop is closed. I should tell her school is closed and Year 1 is canceled forever!

“Yep. These are your books,” I said softly, forcing a smile.

“YAYYYY! Can we go through them Mommy? Can I see?” as she took them and flipped through the pages.

I stroke her hair and kissed her head. Whispering “Nooooo” but she couldn’t hear me.

“Mommy, what happens in Year 1? Will I be ok?” she asks me, with big eyes.

“You’re gonna be just fine, sweetheart.” I kissed her.

Mommy, on the other hand, will need some time.,. maybe a decade. :((((((

TISSUE!!!!! GET ME SOME TISSUE!!!!!!


By the river

July 18, 2020

As I write this, the birds are chirping, interrupted by only my kids shouting “Mommy, Daddy, look at me!”. The sun is shining but balanced by wind blowing softly at us. In front of me, is a calming sight. My kids and husband in the river, admiring the rocks and sand underneath. Gosh, the sound of the water streams is so beautiful and calming. Can life really get any better than this? My heart is full.

Ok, now they’re looking for bugs and shouting that there’s a crocodile. Moment’s over.

We’re at a glamping resort now that the MCO has allowed people to travel but only within the country. My Instagram feed is filled with happy photos of my friends and their families, that put a smile on my face. It’s so nice to see everyone smile again after 3 months of being told to stay home because of the pandemic. It’s almost as if all this happened to teach us to appreciate the moments that matter in life – family. Taught us to reflect, refresh and just recharge.

And now, everyone’s looking to go out and we’re “forced” to discover our country and the beauty it has to offer. And that’s such a good thing! I can’t remember the last time I dipped my feet in a river, or kicked a football! Felt really good, even more so when returned with grins on my kids’ faces. The joys of motherhood.

My husband just smiled at me from the river. He’s so handsome. Ah, the joys of being in love. Grateful that we still have butterflies for each other, even after almost 14 years. Ok now he’s motioning for me to come to the river too. Sorry, not in this fabulous kaftan.

I was here in Tiarasa last weekend with my inlaws for Daniel and Noah’s birthdays. I vlogged the whole thing, can watch here.

We loved it so much that this weekend we brought my parents too. I’m grateful that I am able to spend time with them like this – and for them to spend time with the cucu’s, away from the busy bustling city. You should see my mom, taking pictures of everything (like mother, like daughter). And my dad, fussing if they’ve sanitised the place and whether people here have coronavirus. Balanced parenthood, for sure.

Ah…. I’m soaking in so much happiness and gratitude in this very second. Grateful that God has given this life to us, for all its good and bad that are basically just colouring the canvas of life. I wouldn’t change it one bit.

Ok, Sarah is crying now because she saw a bug. Gotta go.

Again, like mother, like daughter.


quality over quantity

July 4, 2020

Gosh it really is true that you change a little bit when you hit the 3 series. You’re more sure of yourself, you’re more choosy with things, and you’re generally more badass who can see right through fluff. Then there are the unfortunate side of things too – things start to sag, health scares slowly come and it takes more effort to lose weight. I mean, I could lose weight by breathing in my 20s. My 30s don’t offer that health package anymore. There are some 30-something year-olds who do, of course – I don’t like to be friends with those people. #jealous

But one thing for sure is that you start to filter friendships. It’s not because you’re stuck up (although I’m sure a lot would call me that), but it’s because you start to see life in a different perspective. Gone are the days you need to be seen at every event, or you need a photo with that celebrity – all the mingling and social networking was fun in the 20s, but they become a chore now after you’ve realised most of them were wastes of time. I had loads of those especially being in the fashion and business scenes, and I have no regrets though because I really felt like I lived my 20s to the fullest – but now, I’ve grown to become wayyyyy more choosy and I’m no longer apologetic about it.

Life is somewhat different now – work doesn’t get easier as we scale (the opposite, in fact). Family has grown in number and the kids also don’t get easier to manage as they grow up (how come no one told me that?!). Most of us live in our own homes so there’s constant requests for things that need fixing (aircond leak la, fan not working la, internet is down la, gotta call the plumber la). Parents are also getting older and have more health complications now, so our free time have shifted back to them (and honestly, this is true for all my friends too). Husband-wife time gets more scarce so you need to make an effort with planning date nights and all (let’s not remind me of my previous blog post ok?). If you don’t have help, throw in house chores in this mix too. So yeah… more friends? Even if you wanted to… HOW?

As public as I am, I’m actually very private when it comes to friendship. I can be friends with a lot of people, and I’m still the friendly bubbly me at events and stuff (if I even go, haha). I still love hanging out with people whenever I get the chance. But I only have a number of people I really allow into my heart. The need to please everyone reduces as you get older, and it’s super liberating. Quality over quantity – I honestly think this is the healthiest thing when it comes to friendship. Be nice to everyone, but give your all only to a few special ones.

Today is a day filled with fun friend stuff. In the morning, Fadza had his usual morning run with Marissa. (People around the neighbourhood probably think he’s cheating on me with her). Tasha and Seth came along this time. I was supposed to, put on my Adidas pants after Subuh and all. Somehow ended up back in bed before I could put on my top. Fadza took a hilarious photo of me – wearing half kaftan, half Adidas pants, mouth open, legs sprawled out in bed. I shall not share the photo, but basically it read “RUNNING. IS. NOT. HAPPENING. TODAY.”

Anyway, I worked out at home alone (see… I’m a changed woman at 32!) Soon after, they came back with roti canai (all that running and workout went down the drain…) and we had a sinful nice breakfast together with the kids. This happens weekly, but today was the first time I realised how much I appreciate these moments. Simple, happy, weekend moments at 9am.

Then Yusuf and Fadza wanted to race cars go for a relaxing drive with their wives, so we headed up to Janda Baik for lunch. Messaged Toots on the way and she took a spontaneous detour to Janda Baik after lying to her kids that she will just be out for 20 minutes.

That’s why. Want to race race some more. Padan muka, got traffic.

Fast forward an hour later, we were drinking coffee and eating yummy local food at this place called Kopi Ladang and having conversations about life and career and how one should always look fix one’s tudung when taking a corporate photo to be put on the website. Super random, but well, life wisdoms are random.

Spontaneous trips are THE BEST.

Tonight, all of us are gathering again (because we’re clingy) for games night. Kyochon reached out to my marketing team and kindly asked if they could send me some food. (NOTE TO EVERYONE WHO MAKES FRIED CHICKEN: YOU CAN SEND ME FOOD ANYTIME. ANYTIME.) What Kyochon didn’t know was that the marketing team is my best friend who also loves fried chicken, so suddenly they’re now sponsoring dinner for not just me but for my 10 friends too. And suddenly tonight is games night at my place. Marissa is a mastermind, I tell you. Thank you Kyochon, we love you!

Ok I better go shower before my friends come. But basically wanted to pen down my thoughts quickly – I realise if I don’t the momentum dies and by the time I want to write, 5 other life things have popped up. Life is that fast-paced these days. I had a moment today that I feel very grateful for this small group of people I proudly call my best friends. Thank you, God, for somehow uniting our paths along this journey of life.